Wednesday, June 8, 2016

The current changed today and I began to breathe

It has been a year of profound loss. I lost my mother, my cat, and finally, my closest and best friend, my dog, Billie.  I guess, in a very cruel twist, it will inform my work, since I'm interested in how we transform the difficult emotions connected to memory, shame, loss and how these complexities impact our identity.  But I must confess, I have been engulfed by the riptide of grief and have been unable to overcome the waves of emotion and have just tried to get through the day-to-day process of trying to stay present and not give in to the overwhelming nature of loss.

But today, the current may have changed,  I think I popped up out of the water and began to breathe. 

I began to make work again.  As I wrapped the plaster around each pillow, I was struck by the repetitive motion I engaged in provided a sensation of wrapping each individual I lost in a blanket of love. And, at the same time I couldn't help but notice the sensation  of being buoyed by their love surrounding me as finally took the first step back into the act of making work after such a long time of being lost in unacknowledged grief. 

So, I have begun again identifying the complicated emotions that we all carry inside and try to ignore by covering it up and creating the identity we present to the world.  Here step and one day at a time out of the difficult darkness.